the starting of 30

I am now aged 30+3 days. Congratulations to myself for being really grown-up. Nothing seems changed, i am still others' daughter, other's wife, others' college lowb friend......people say 30 is the beginning of the 2nd half of life. well, i am more than satisfied if i can live up to 60, i don't want to be any older. i hate being a 80 & 90 forever-living creature...

the old blogs mentioned my 'dreams' & things to do. thanks to my friend who reminded me on b-day as i have almost forgotten what i wrote
let's see how much i have achieved --

- Visiting the middle east: still long way to go but good start with visiting iran. finally i got the chance to sit next to all the blackly covered ladies in a metro!. strong feeling inside but can't describe by words.... they were once so far away from me but suddenly becoming so close.. wow! wishing to interview the local women organization but it turned out to be a charity place, still nice but indeed i don't care about the poors in iran, what i want to know is the inequality & status improvement of women in ME. still thanked our travel agent for being so professional but i will not give up any chances making contacts with these organizations, if there is any.... next target: i wouldn't tell anyone (people will think i am crazy) but i wish to join the reporters' tour organized once awhile. iraq is not attractive at all for me.... i should not use the word 'attractive' but the dreamplace is Afghanistan...Taliban, 'terrorists', afghan kids, afghan mothers and sisters.... "DOWN on USA" - Is it really something we, as a human on earth, should voice out at?

- Sketching: too slow progress made.... really can't help as it all depends on 'mood' & 'emotion'...but truly i enjoyed the drawing process, with dirty black fingers putting on white paper, i feel like getting closer to the character and knowing them more by sketching the eyes out gradually.
- Books: don't know since when my handbag becomes quite heavy. i kept looking for unnecessary things that contribute to the weight but i could not get rid of anything... there are unused plastic bags, cosmetics, wallet and a book. yes, i have promised myself to get advancement daily by reading few pages which i do and it now becomes a habit.... an unexciting habit. i don't see surprises in the content anymore ... interests are still there but i just don't get the correct energy. i really need a EASY book, a book easy to read, a language easy to understand.
currently reading: "Reading Loita in Tehran", literature digest with political critics.

- Career: being transferred to another division finally... good or bad? cannot tell for the moment.... i do not earn more (as far as i understand it) and colleagues keep worrying about the new workloads, office politics...etc... i hope i am not too confident but i definitely like this change! yes, i am clear on this, i like it.

sunny sunday

feel like writing today. sunny outside with moderate heat. Lovely~

just thinking i might need to record down liked/ dis-liked items for my life dated 8 May 2011 (Sun).. see them change and let me review =)

(unprioritized)

1. time at home.. i'll need lots of time 'hea-ing' & 'hea-ing'.. doing nothing but at the same time doing everything, all the cleaning houseworks

2. continuous interest in middle east study... had the 1st HKU Space course last Wed... factual historical lessons.. very narrative but very enjoyable. syria, lybia, egypt, iran, iraq, yemen, jordan... i am getting to know you all better.... wish i am never too tired to explore...

3. the apple products ..quite dissappointed to see most of the HK-ese touching & 'sliding' the big screen each and every moment. internet is now around us but we don't need it all the time. iPhone messages pop up & down funnily.. but don't forget to talk using own mouths & eyes... i start to love more primitive and 'retarded' society. poland is a good example. people hold books and newspaper in 1-2 hours travel journey. aren't them wise time-spender?

4. continuous interest in sketching... thanks for giving me a verbal lesson in west rail to TM... that helped incredibly! white paper & dark pencil create different faces.. the angle of my palm give them lives & individualism.... hard to explain but amazing! must keep it on .

5. concern about women status in Afghan. it's all the way my dream. this dream should never die.

6. facebook free of new born babies..... i was once a kid so i don't particularly hate them but just don't prefer them. friends, including 'friends' on facebook, please keep me out from all the babies' photos.... friends, keep me out from those pregnancy news.... i am too flooded.
yet, i know i can be motherly one day... hahhaaa

will add to the list

年誌

hello. i am back here again.

ok a punishment for not having frequent update, chinese input is not enabled now... shit

recently i have been thinking about the word 'advancement'... this is a word introduced by a friend of friend. sort of agreeing but there are doubts.
how can one define 'advancement'? it means differently on each person
it is definitely important to lifes but what is it actually? to me, it's 10-20 pages of book everyday. that's it, no MBA degree, no after-work courses, .. already more than sufficient

this year a dream comes up out of my head. thanks to the book 'unreasonable behavior'
deeply drawn into the world of battles/ battle photography/ middle east/ taliban/afghanistan...etc
this is the plan, a OL-life for extra 4 years, change to a part-time casual labour & start this - producing photos on a project basis, volunteering in women organization for third countires...
"omg, this is crazy, be practical ....." he said
i know it but pls respect my dream

hi there

26 Apr 09 (Sun)

again... bt...another 4 months abandoned. anyway, i pick this up finally.. good job

i was given a whole-week-free time

i finished the book which i bought 5 years ago.. yes, was able to read up to the page no. 244! in the last 2 hours, i achieved it!!

i stayed home and cleaned everything exposed to air... this has become my weird habbit since Jan this year. Sweeping and rubbing make me feel good and contented.... i am addicted to these actions.

i saw grandma though i made myself invisible to parents... what the hell i am doing? i'd love to hear their voices but am reluctant to see their faces ..... maybe it's not the good time to chat about 'run down' 'rings' 'gowns' etc. let's leave it till later.

i emailed with boss. his spoken english is never easy for me to understand in office... everything changes if we email to each other. people tend to become caring and easy-going on the net, email is a great invention indeed.

back to my first activity: finishing a book called 'how to be good' by nick hornby
will surely fail if i were asked to draft a book report . can't really tell what the plot is as i kept forgetting details... i love it though ... i remember i loved it while reading... it reflects parts of me ... being mean & demanding... but sometimes lost & stupid

聖誕快樂

感動！多謝關小姐

08年聖誕，氣氛欠奉，平安夜最叫人興奮的是可以在平日車水馬龍的大馬路上遊走。抱著人行我行，人睇我睇心態，做了個多小時隨波逐流式港人......最後還是自命清高地提早離場。「果d咁0既燈飾，其實究竟有乜好睇！？」明年這時，識趣的還是待在家中安逸得多。


翌日

你們有同感嗎？當看到餐室裡左鄰右里的一家大小，小孩在狹小椅子爬上爬落，掙脫媽的手不肯吃飯時，我首先是皺眉，接著是觀望那對父母表情，最後應是轉頭去尋找街景。

輪到我了
不要小孩像廿年前的我，7人睡300尺斗室，打地鋪，面壁天花躺上格。是負責任的承諾還是膚淺的藉口？

11月3日
哈哈，曾kk，多謝你捧場，連你的留言，我也遲了兩個多月才看到..

回來稍為看看之前幾篇，淚水又再次洗了雙眼，您豈能叫我勿念

一個人獨處，既無聊又充實.....要不是空閒，不會click到這個網；要不是看到日誌(不是日誌，是年誌)，不會在此發騷...能夠寫出感受，應該算是福份

之前離港數天，一回來就收到壞消息。我們不算朋友，勉強是同校同學，不過st. marian之間不難有一份親切感。上幾週才諸事看你的海灘相，怎料你在這麼短時間內竟做出震憾的決定。請安息，祝永遠快樂。

當時間飛到出年這個月份，暴躁、EQ低的我應該會在愁眉。怕皮膚差，怕裝修師傅手工劣，怕晚裝不稱身，怕親友討厭吃鴨，怕改變身份.....

好一個杞人，憂天憂地苦人苦己

一年

沒有刻意鋪排，剛剛丟低了這日記一年

爺爺，您好嗎？
我很好。

閒時看著朋友的日記，文字往往會激起了自己某種感覺，想了想，由得意念走過，感受流失....
還是早些睡吧，明天六時半請早

終於，擇了今天這個吉日，重新開始。

大學時代，粗俗地說：「係乜叉都寫一餐」哪時起床、午餐菜單、誰出新歌.....無無聊聊也可以填滿一個版面
幾年過後，滿身煩惱，卻下知該寫些甚麼....

工作真的可以麻醉人，使人情感消失，太可怕